Meowth chan's Newlywed Game!
by AniMistress
Summary: Doesn't the title say it all? A ha-ha-hilarious version of the Newlywed Game, starring the much-loved Pokemon characters, hosted by Meowth-chan himself! *NEW* Eppy two, round 1 up!
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Pokemon does NOT belong to me. (I wish the bishonen's did though...) And I kinda got this idea from "Kero-chan's Newlywed Game" by Yukito no Miko.  
  
Rating: PG? Who knows what's yet to come?....PG-13...   
  
Note: I was gonna make it Japanese names so the -chan thing and Miya, Jess's mom, and some other stuff would work, but all aboard cR@ZyNeSs! Oh, and I'm gonna put in 5 couples cuz I can't bear to let go of Brock and Cassidy!! @_@ I wasn't supposed to tell... I think that has to wait for another time...Also Gary & 009...Just three couples today!  
  
The Pokemon Newlywed Game!!  
By Rox-chan!  
  
Meowth: HII!! And welcome to Meowth-chan's--   
Jessie: No-one calls themself -chan, fool!  
Meowth-chan: Your Momma did!  
Jessie: Don't you talk 'bout my momma!  
Meowth: It's MY show, and if I wanna say, "Welcome to Meowth-chan's Newlywed Game," I will! SO, welcome to Meowth-chan's Newlywed Game, everybod-ay!  
Everyone: *GROAN* ^.^;;;;  
Meowth: So...Anyway...Meet our three couples!! Couple number one, come on down!!  
James: Actually, the proper term is, "Go down...," I believe.  
Jessie: *O_O*  
*J & J sit down*  
Meowth: *o_o;;* Oh-kay. . . thank you, couple number one. Couple number two, come join us!  
*Ash and Misty come out and sit down, amidst cheers from the 'twerpshippers' and screams of horror from the Gymshippers. Ash pulls out Pikachu*  
All: ^_^;;  
Misty: Ash... I don't think you can have...  
Ash: What Pikachu? *Picks up Pikachu and waves around Misty*  
Misty: *pulls out mallet* GET THAT RAT OUTTA MY FACE!!!   
*Ash huddles into a corner and dies* *I cheer, "You go, girl!! Kill that boy!"*  
Meowth-chan: Right! Let's put that aside! Couple number...three, join us!  
Mrs. Ketchum: We are not a couple....anymore!!!  
Giovanni: Come on, sugar.  
Mrs. Ketchum: I am not your 'sugar'! Let go of me!   
*Giovanni drags Mrs. Ketchum to the third set of chairs and ties her to one of them, then sits in the last chair*  
Mrs. Ketchum: Sam-- *has a flashback to one night...Professor Oak says, "If you're ever in trouble...just call 'Oak.'* OAK!!   
Giovanni: You go for that seventy-year old man instead of me?  
Mrs. Ketchum: HE'S SIXTY!...two.  
Giovanni: If you don't stop cheating on me, we can't win the contest for the most loving newlyweds!   
Mrs. Ketchum: We're not married!!  
Giovanni: Of course we are, honey cakes.  
Mrs. Ketchum: We're not, we're not!!  
Gio: Not even for the grand prize? ^_^  
Mrs.: NO!!  
James: Hai, Meowth-chan, what is the grand prize?   
Meowth-chan: An all-expense paid trip to...the Ruins of Alph!!  
Mrs.: *freezes* You mean... I could finally spend a weekend with Sam and end this terrible curse?!  
All: O_o;;;;  
Mrs.: Never mind... .:)  
Meowth-chan: Yes.  
Ash: *whining* Meowth, that's not fair!!  
Meowth: Yeah, well that's why it's my show and not yours. Couple number three?  
Giovanni: Meowth-chan. ^_^  
*Mrs. Ketchum holds up a sign that says, "All of my son's Pokemon are cute and so is he!! But Pikachu. "*  
Meowth-chan: Well, you got it wrong but you get a point anyways! Good job!  
Giovanni: *smirk* ^_^  
Ash: *scowl* :(  
Meowth-chan: Going onto question three, couple number one has two points, couple number two has one point, and couple number three has two points! Question three is "I like a girl who has a sense of humor. Tell me your favorite joke."  
*silence*  
Meowth-chan: Oops! Wrong questions!! Hahahahaha. . . *throws cards backstage* The real question number three is around here somewhere. . .   
*Giovanni's Persian hands him a set of cards*   
Meowth: Thanks! Okay, question number three: "I'm a fool and I consort with Mareep--" HEY!! These aren't the questions!!  
Persian: *smirk*  
*Meowth-chan digs around backstage and finally comes up with some questions, hopefully the right ones*   
Meowth-chan: Okay! I think these are the right ones! "If your wife was an alarm clock, how would she wake you up?" Couple number one?  
James: I'm not sure that I want to say it on television...  
Meowth-chan: You have to or you don't get the point.  
*James walks over to Meowth-chan and the panel of judges and starts whispering to them. Time passes. More time passes. The backstage crew, Brock, falls asleep*  
Meowth-chan: Okay, that's enough. **O_O** Wife number one, what did you put?  
*Jessie hands him a thick stack of paper*  
Meowth-chan: What the. . . this is a...report...of some sort. *someone whispers* This is the Starr Report!  
Jessie: It is stapled underneath. It's very...er...violent.   
Meowth-chan: ***O_O***  
Ahem. Judges, will we accept those answers?  
Proffesor Oak: I suppose so.  
Meowth-chan: What about the other judges?  
*no answer. James's weird southern mom is still taking notes and Miya has her hands over her ears*  
Miyamato: You're talking about my DAUGHTER!!  
Gio: *shudders* ... *mumbling* thought...dead...back...??  
Miya: *heard* yep! ^_~  
Meowth: *sweatdrop* I guess we'll count it, then. . . Couple number two?  
Ash: Er...with a hammer??  
Misty: *Holds up sign that says, "With a mallet"*  
All: ^_^;;  
Meowth: Judges?  
*the judges confer, Miyamato says "It's rather harsh...but I like it! Prof. Oak starts talking*  
James's mum: We've decided to accept that ansahr (answer).  
Miyamato: Good. Couple number three?  
Meowth-chan: Hey, I'm supposed to say that! Couple number three?  
Gio: If she found me sleeping she'd take the opportunity to try and go to that old man. ^_^  
Meowth: Maybe he's not as dumb as I thought. Well, lady? How would ya wake him up?  
*Mrs. Ketchum holds up a sign that says, "With a high-voltage Pikachu"*  
Meowth-chan: We'll accept that answer because I like it. Round two after these commercial messages!   
*silence*  
Meowth-chan: Brock! Run the commercials!  
Brock: *wakes up* Hmm?  
Meowth-chan: The commercials, the commercials!!   
Brock: Oh, right!! o-_-o  
Meowth-chan: ~_~;;  
[eyecatch]  
*fade to commercial*  
******************* 


	2. Don't worry, it's not over yet

Mewtwo: Hello. Have you been feeling down? Like you don't know where your life is going?  
James: *dramatically* How did you know?!  
Mewtwo: I know everything. Which is why you should call Mewtwo's Psychic Hotline. We'll tell you your destiny in half-truths that you'll later convince yourself were useful predictions and not a waste of 15 bucks a minute.  
Misty: Mewtwo told me that I would have to choose between two decisions. I realize now that he was talking about Brock and Ash.  
Ash: Mewtwo told me that I would meet a strange challenge. Boy, was he right!  
Mewtwo: So call today, and spend hours trying to puzzle out your destiny!  
1-800-TRY-NOT-2  
James: *even more dramatically* How DOES he DO it?!  
********************  
*a red-haired girl in jeans and a t-shirt with "Jessie" emblazoned across the chest comes out. Needless to say, it's Jessie in a very unconvincing...er...'disguise' *  
Jessie: Hello, everyone. I just wanted to say support me in my hostile takeover of the universe, one beating of a man at a time. Jessie for empress. Yay.  
*walks off*  
James: I support her!  
Meowth: That's because she paid you, dude.  
James: Actually, no she didn't...She...  
Meowth: PLEASE don't tell me...I heard last night through the soundproof walls...  
*Little square in corner that says "TVG" goes up to "TVR"  
*fade out*  
eyecatch  
Meowth-chan: Konyanyachiwa!! {author's note: kawaii way 2 say it!} Have you been brushing your teeth? Good! If you haven't your parents might not let you keep watching the hit new show, Meowth-chan's Newlywed Game! We're back with out three couples! Now it's time for the wives to answer the questions. Our first question is, "What is the strangest place you have ever--" *turns red* Who worded this?  
*Brock waves*  
Meowth-chan: ~_~;; "What is the strangest place you have ever *mumbles*  
James: I didn't even know that was a term for it...  
Jessie: I did.  
All: ^_^;;  
Meowth-chan: o_o; Husband number one, what do you think wife number one put?  
James: *thinks* In the National Park?  
Meowth-chan: *twists his face into a look of discust* Now that that image is in our heads, what did wife number one put?  
*Jessie holds up a sign that says, "In the freezer at the PokeCenter." Everyone who had frozen food in the previous month starts gagging*  
Jessie: I thought we weren't going to tell anyone about the Park, James...  
James: We weren't going to tell anyone about the freezer thing either.   
Jessie: Oops... but at least neither of us mentioned the--  
*James claps a hand over her mouth. Jessie bites him*  
James: Ow! Don't do that!  
Jessie: You started it...  
James: I want you to touch me gently...  
Jessie: Later, when we're alone.  
*rose petals blow across the stage*  
All: o_O;;  
Meowth-chan: Moving onto couple number two... as quickly as possible...  
Ash: Uhhh.....  
Meowth-chan: What?  
*Misty holds up a sign that simply says, "Uh...."*  
Meowth-chan: Judges, will we accept that answer?   
*Miyamato and James's mom confer. Prof. Oak's covering his ears*  
Judges: Yep.  
Meowth-chan: Err... of course not. Let's put that aside. Couple number three, dare I ask?  
Mrs. Ketchum: *slightly red* We NEVER [censored]!!!   
Brock: Wow, even I didn't know that was a term for it.  
Jessie: I did.  
All: o_o;  
*Giovanni holds up his "She'll deny our many nights of passion..." sign*  
Gio: And this time, I'm not lying!! Otherwise, how'd Ash be here??  
*Ash turns green*  
Misty: Giovanni, you're really good! I bet you make your wife very happy!  
Mrs. Ketchun: I'm not his wife!!  
Meowth-chan: ~_~;; {author's note: he's making this face a lot. It must hurt his mug. lol.} Let's move on to the next question, shall we? This one's multiple choice, so we don't have to worry about inappropriate answers. "How would you describe your honeymoon: Relaxing, Exciting, or Boring?"  
Audience: OoOoOoOoOo...  
Meowth-chan: Couple number one, start us off.  
Jessie: Relaxing.  
*James's sign: "Relaxing. Very"*  
Meowth-chan: *breaths a sigh of relief* Thanks for not explai--  
Jessie: With the hot tub...And the bed...  
Meowth-chan: Too much information!  
James: But the roses...You must remember they have thorns!  
Meowth-chan: *attempts to cover ears* Yecch!  
*James and Jessie shrug*  
Mewoth-chan: Next! Next!  
Misty: Exciting.  
*Ash holds up a sign with "Exciting" written in big letters*  
Meowth-chan: Moving on before you try and explain your answer...  
Misty&Ash: *blush* It's not like THAT!   
Meowth-chan: Couple number three! Please end this question!  
Mrs. Ketchum: We had no honeymoon because WE'RE NOT MARRIED!!!! anymore, and I wouldn't like to discuss cheating on Sammy...  
Giovanni holds up his sign, which says, "She'll deny the very existence of our honeymoon, including the nights of endless pleasure we spent-" and brakes off where he ran out of room to write*  
*Ash & his mom turn bright green and rush for the bathrooms. After having lost their lunches, they return and sit back down*  
Misty: Mom (can I call you that), why didn't you take that opportunity to escape?  
Mrs. Ketchum: O_O! (--- didn't think of it...) ...yes you can call me mommy.  
*Giovanni, by this time, has re-tied her*  
Mrs. Ketchum: :/  
Giovanni: There, there, muffin. They know you just don't want to leave my side.  
Misty: Yeah, that'd be a good reason.  
Mrs. Ketchum: But... but...  
Gio: Why else would I risk untying her so she could deal with her morning sickness?  
Mrs. Ketchum: Wha...?  
Misty: *claps hands* She will make a wonderful mother! And, you, Ash, a brother; and me... AN OLDER SISTER!!!!! HOORAY!!!  
Ash: A BROTHER!!! *scream*  
Mrs. Ketchum: I'M NOT PREGNANT!!  
Giovanni: If it's a girl we'll name her Giovanna or Ashley.  
Mrs. Ketchum: !!!!! *passes out*  
Giovanni: *pats her hand* There, there, love. *to others* She must be feeling bad. Please, feel free to move onto the next question.  
Meowth: Thanks... Going into the bonus round, couple three is in the lead, followed by couple two and couple one. The bonus question is worth five points, so any of our contestants could win. The bonus question is: "If your husband had to sum up your sex drive in one word, it would be [blank]" Oh, I can't WAIT to hear these answers. *wince*  
Jessie: Slow.  
Meowth-chan: You expect me to believe that after what I've heard today?  
Jessie: Well, compared to his...*Meowth holds up hand....paws...and makes a face*  
*James holds up a sign that says, "Well, it is kind of slow...",   
Meowth-chan: Couple number one is now in the lead with 9 points, though that doesn't mean anything, in the least, since no one else has answered the bonus question. Couple number two, your move.  
Misty: Creative!  
*Ash holds up his sign: "Kinky"*   
Meowth-chan: Judges?  
*brief yet amusing judge conference, which includes James's mum jumping on the table and demanding justice; "how dareah you! this is may desicion!!"*  
Meowth-chan: Have you decided?  
Miyamato: We'll accept it.   
Prof. Oak: *opens mouth* ... *cowers under James's mum's glare*  
Meowth-chan: Okay! Couple number two is now in first place! Couple number three, final question, final answer. How would your husband sum up your sex drive?  
Mrs. Ketchum: Non-existent.   
*Giovanni holds up his sign: "Since she's embarrassed about the fact that she likes to [censored] like Pikachu...*  
Brock: Oooh, more new vocabulary! *writes down*   
*"...she'll pretend that she's as innocent as a schoolgirl"*  
Brock: Giselle wasn't all that innocent... -_~  
Ash: *pouts* DON'T TALK ABOUT THAT! *light bulb* How about PROFFESSORS?  
Brock: Don't say it!! -.-;;;  
James: What, Proffesor Ivy?  
Brock: AAAAAAAAAHHH! *turns back 2 Jim when done screaming* Jessiebelle....  
James: *AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!*  
Brock: heheheh *smirk* -__~  
Meowth-chan: ANYWAY, then, I guess couple number three wins. Congratulations, lady, you're going to a fabulous second honeymoon in the Ruins of Alph!  
Mrs. Ketchum: But Prof. Oak is taking me there anyway to study! How is that a vacation?  
Announcer (Brock): You've won an all-expense paid trip to the beauuutiful Ruins of Alph, where you'll enjoy--  
Mrs. Ketchum: ENJOY?! Who says?!  
Brock: The announcement.  
Mrs. Ketchum: Why should I believe it?  
Brock: Because it was written by Mewtwo.  
Giovanni: Come on, dear. The vacation will relieve stress, and we all know there shouldn't be stress on the new baby...  
Mrs. Ketchum: *turns red*  
*Giovanni drags her offstage to go catch their plane. Jessie and James are sucking face. Brock throws a blanket over them. Ash is dancing with Pikachu...Misty is running after them with a mallet*  
Meowth-chan: Well, it seems we ended a little early. But that's okay, because--   
Cassidy: I'll be singing for you! Everyone agrees that I have the best singing voice! *grumbles* better than Jessie's, that--  
Meowth-chan: I'm don't think--  
Cassidy: *sings* ~Ooohhh......I'm a genie in a bottle...........~  
Meowth-chan: Just roll next week's previews.  
~~Next time on Meowth-chan's Newlywed Game~~  
Meowth-chan: "If you didn't exist and your wife had to choose one of these people to marry, who would they choose?"  
*Gary and Domino walk out*  
Mondo: *looks nauseated* I think he'd choose Cassidy...  
Brock: *acting high/drunk/both* HE'LL NEVER GET HER!! NEVA!!!!!!!  
~~end clip~~  
Cassidy: ~Gotta rub mee the right way!!~  
Meowth-chan: See you next time, everyone! Bai bai!   
Cassidy: ~There's a priiiice to pay!!!...~  
*fade out* 


	3. Episode Two!

Episode Two!   
Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon or any of the characters... BUT... I do own this ficcie! And me! ^^;   
  
The Pokemon Newlywed Game -- Episode 2  
James adjusts his note-cards as Professor Oak, the camera man gives him the signal. An eyecatch comes up, along with a corny theme song. Applause. James leans toward the mic."Welcome to the second episode of the Newlywed Game! But today, we will be hosted by--none other than--Rox-chan herself!" The audience claps on cue, three people cheer, four boo, and two--Haley and Dee--groan.   
Rox-chan comes out, with winks and kisses blown at the audience, in a skimpy tube top and a long white skirt. (And--in a lame Avril Lavigne attempt--a tie.) A slight trip also reveals her 3-inch-heeled knee-high black leather hooker boots. Rox-chan, unruffled, announces, "Welcome to my game show, everyone!"  
A tomato is thrown from the audience. Dodging it, Rox-chan growls at the source, a blonde girl of about 14. "Yes, well," she coughed looking embarrassed. "Onto the contestants!"  
James cued more of the corny music as a spotlight illuminated another part of the stage, focusing on a couple sitting closely together. Pulling out another note-card, Rox-chan announced, "Our first couple is Domino and Gary Oak!"  
Domino, looking rather proud, grinned sassily. Gary blushed again.  
"Right." Rox-chan threw the card behind her and it hit James on the head with a dull, "Ow!" Rox moved on, as the spotlight did, "And now – our next couple! He's a soon-to-be Pokemon Breeder with the Pewter Gym position under his belt, his partner is a member of a popular mafia, say hello to Cassidy and Brock Harrison!!"  
Brock looked like he was trying to slip his blonde partner some tongue. Cassidy, however, seemed to be planning a way to murder him.  
"I can't believe you two!" Ash, the backstage crew fill-in for Brock, runs out and screams. "BROCK! How COULD you! Team Rocket is BAD!" he exclaimed, hiding his eyes.  
"Hear that, Cassie?" Brock purred, trying to slip a hand inside of Cassidy's shirt. "You've been bad. Very bad."  
"Mmm..." Cassidy giggled, her death proposal forgotten briefly. "Is that a bad thing?" Purple eyes glittered with pleasure.   
"Dunno--why don't you--"  
Ash screamed again, tearing at the roots of his black hat-hair. "Go to the next couple, the next couple!"  
Happy to cease any part that Brock flirting with another girl, Rox-chan threw her second card (hitting Ash in the process) and moved onto the third.  
"Our third couple is our token Pokemon couple; he hates humans and just wants to be left alone, she's a pacifist who fights for all that's good; please welcome Mew and Mewtwo!"  
Ash crashed to the floor. Many sweat-drops throughout the audience. A very loud cheer is heard from the audience, "MEWSHIPPING FOREVER!"   
Ash whimpered as he crawled back to his chair. "Next couple," he croaked.  
Rox-chan, who had been applying make-up very liberally in her pocket mirror, gave an offhand wave in the fourth couple's direction.   
"I REALLY don't know how to introduce those two."  
It was Mondo with Meowth sitting sulkily on his lap, much to Ash's already very baffled dismay. James rolled his eyes and stood up, centering himself on the stage for the audience.  
"I'll introduce them. They're both Team Rocket members, one an obedient young boy, the other a cat Pokemon. It's...Mondo-kun and Meowth?" James sounded very uninformed about this couple, "When did this happen?!"  
"MONDO!" came the voice of his (ex?)girlfriend, Dee. Mondo blushed and slumped down in his chair.  
Meowth and Mondo waved merrily at their fellow Rockets, Mondo leaning off their chair. Domino and Cassidy both did the same, but gave them a disapproving glare. "Mondo, what are you doing with a Jessie and James's cat Pokemon?!" Cassidy flung. Domino agreed, "It's not good for Team Rocket's image!"  
Meowth, perking up at the chance to throw a sardonic insult, favored the glare with a lewd smirk. Turning to Cassidy, he replied, "The same things you've been doing with the twoip."  
Brock folded his arms, pouting. "Like you'd be that lucky," he said, dripping with sarcasm.  
"OKAY! That's it!" Ash bellowed, turning an unattractive shade of green. He throws his arms up and turns, heading backstage. "They've all been introduced, cut to commercial, I need a break!"  
James happily took over. "We'll be right back after a word from our sponsor; Giovanni. And what a handsome man he is, let me tell you! Smart and witty, you'll love to work with him! Join Team Rocket whenever you can!"   
More groans from the audience. "JAMES!" Jessie yelled from the judges panel.  
"Sorry." Jordan muttered, nonchalantly tucking a rather large bag of gold under his desk.  
"Stay tuned!" Rox-chan winked at the camera.  
Silence.  
"I said, Stay tuned!" Rox said, a bit more firmly.  
Ash woke up with a, "Wha?"  
"Stay tuned," Roxanne tried again.   
James nudged him, "That's your cue."  
"Oh right!"  
The eyecatch comes up again, with the corny theme song. Applause from the audience.   
*Fade out to commercial*  
-------------- 


	4. Round One!

James was roughly shaken from his light snooze.  
"James, wake up!" Jessie snapped.  
"Huh?" James blinked. "Oh, whoops," he wiped the drool away and shook his head. "Sorry, Jess."   
"Just start the next round!"  
"Sure thing." James adjusted his headset and cued up the corny theme yet again. The limelight flared up, revealing couples on a series of loveseats.   
"Welcome back to the Newlywed Game Show - brought to you in part by our friends at Quality PokeBall Producers; if it's not Quality, then why the hell did you go to Kurt?"  
Rox-chan herself changed during the commercial break, having tired of sleazy and now going for the playmate look, with a bowtie, feathery bunny ears, and a long tight black dress with fur trim. Ash meanwhile found a seat next to the podium, taking a break from his prayer for lightning to come down and strike him. He got a look at the questions and turned green again.  
"Irasshaimase!" Rox-chan quoted in Japanese with open arms, the index cards of this round's set of questions clutched in her right hand. "Still hosted by I, Rox-chan," she added with another wink, "And now we begin Round One! During the break, we separated one spouse from each couple and asked their partners a set of five questions, which they wrote on their cards. Their spouses will be asked the same questions this round and must guess what their spouses answer is. They will be awarded 25 points for each correct response!"   
"Ash, would you be a dear and carry out the first round's questions?"  
Ash cried and shook his head furiously.  
"Very well," Rox-chan continued stuffily, "I'll just do the round by myself."  
She grinned and looked at the first card.  
"Question number one: What is your favorite position? So, Brock, you and Cassidy are our first couple chosen at random. What is your partner's favorite position?"  
Ash covered his ears, humming On the Road to Viridian City loudly so he would not hear his best friend's answer. Cassidy did not seem embarrassed in the least actually.  
"Me on top," Cassidy nodded. A loud BUZZ followed her response, indicating she had been wrong. Cassidy glared at Brock.  
"Cassidy!" Brock exclaimed, turning his card around. It read: Brocko on top.  
"Oh, too bad," Rox-chan said insincerely, "Well, don't worry yet; you still have four questions. Next couple - Domino and Gary Oak! Domino, what is Gary's favorite position?"  
"Ano..." Domino blushed as a DING rang out. Gary flipped his card over to show the audience his answer, which read Ano... along with a picture of furiously blushing Gary.   
"Uh...okay, that was strange...Judges?" Rox-chan tossed her head.   
Domino gave a threatening glare to the Rocket members on the judges panel. "We'll accept it!!" Jessie cried worriedly.  
"Twenty-five points...I think! Now, onto our next couple; Mewtwo, what is Mew's favorite position?"  
"Doggy style!" Mewtwo said cautiously.  
DING! Mew flipped the card over. It read: Doggy style.  
"The two Pokemon have more points than us!" Cassidy growled, glaring homicidally at Brock.  
"Twenty-five points for our Poke-couple!" Rox-chan applauded cautiously, along with the audience.   
"All right, onto our last, but certainly not least, couple." Rox-chan smiled at the boy with a cat on his lap.  
Meowth raised an eyebrow. "Mondo's favoirite poisition," he said smoothly, "is whatever ah say."  
BUZZ!  
Mondo shook his head sadly and flipped over his card. It read, Meowth-chan on Mondo-kun's lap.  
"Yoir lap?" hissed Meowth.  
"Aww, Meowthy, you know you love to sit on my lap. And you're just so dern kawaii!"  
Rox-chan looked down at the next question card and perked up. "Well, if I were a contestant my answer to this one would be--"  
From his position in the announcer's booth above, James shrieked.  
"--found on my online journal." Ash sighed in relief, but Rox-chan continued. "It completely brightened an otherwise boring trip to the Orange Islands."  
Apparently unaware of the audience's horror-struck silence, Rox-chan turned to the contestants and clapped her hands. "So, where is the most unconventional location you've ever had sex? Cassidy, you start us off again, please."  
Cassidy gave a cute smile and tossed her golden hair. "How easy! Suzi's breeding center!"  
DING!  
Brock bounced in his chair as he turned over his second card, revealing Suzi's written on it, complete with a winking smiley face, its tongue sticking out.  
Misty gasped from the Judge's panel. "You said you were going to check on--"  
"Well done," interrupted Rox-chan invidiously, "twenty-five points to Cassidy and Brock!"   
"Finally," Cassidy muttered, "We might catch up now."  
"Mr. Oak?" Rox-chan asked, not looking at the him but at the camera, showing off a blinding smile.  
Nervously, Gary looked first at Domino, then at the announcer booth and judge panel; he cleared his throat. "Giovanni's desk."  
Interrupting, James goggled. "Really? Boss's desk?"  
Gary nodded. "Actually, on Mewtwo's analysis papers. But they were on his desk at the time."  
Mewtwo and Mew looked like they understood something they really wished they didn't.  
"Right," said Rox-chan, "although not exactly quite as unconventional as-- ah, I see my assistant wants me to find out if Mr. Oak's answer matches Domino's."  
DING!  
Domino flipped her card over. On it, of course, was written Gio's office.  
"Mews, here's a chance to pull into the lead! Mewtwo, where was the most unconventional place you and Mew...."  
"Pacific Ocean, off the coast of Tokyo I'd say." Mewtwo stated.   
After the loud BUZZ! Rox-chan didn't bother to hide her disappointment. "You think the Pacific is the most unconventional place you've had sex with your wife. I hope his answer is more exciting."  
The card simply said, Lab. Mew pouted, thinking that he should've known.   
And apparently Mewtwo did. "Ix-nay on the ab-lay." He motioned to Gary, who's eyes were boggling, apparently who'd been working on the project as well.  
Rox-chan looked even more disappointed. "Our next couple better be kinkier."  
Meowth sneered. "Ah'm shoire. It was in doi Jeep."  
DING!  
Surely enough, printed on Mondo's card was, Jeep.   
"Well, as you got that correct, it looks like everyone's tied at twenty-five points each, except for Domino and Gary, who are in the lead with fifty!" Rox-chan shifted his cards. "And onto the next question: What is your lover's pet name?"  
"I call him 'Blindy'," said Cassidy dubiously, "but I don't think that counts."  
"It doesn't," said Brock, as the buzzer BUZZed furiously. She'd written down: Senior Squinty.  
"I didn't think that counted either." Cassidy growled.   
Brock pouted, slumping in the seat. "But you make it sound so cute."  
"Tough luck," said Rox-chan as she faked a pout for a brief moment before returning to her seductive wink. "Mr. Oak?"  
"Tulip?" Gary exclaimed, quickly followed by the DING! Domino threw up the card which had a black tulip through it.   
"Correct, twenty-five points to our second couple." Rox-chan turned to the third couple. "Mewtwo?" He sunk into the loveseat.   
"Pinky," Mewtwo said in a low hiss, but loud enough to be heard. Everyone sniggered.  
DING!  
Mew flipped over her card, confirming the answer and the couple kissed.  
Rox-chan awarded them twenty-five points and turned to the fourth couple. "And you, Mondo?"  
Mondo grinned. "Meowth-chan?"  
"Er...does that count?" Rox-chan asked. She scratched the side of her head and looked to the judges. Before anyone could advise her, the distinct sound of approval was heard.  
DING!  
Meowth flipped over his card, which read: Meowth-chan.  
"Wonderful!" Rox-chan cried, happily tossing that card away. "Twenty-five points to the Cub Scout and his kitty cat!" She cleared his throat and moved to the next question. "Our fourth question comes back to Cassidy and Brock - Cassidy, what is Brock's secret fetish?"  
Cassidy seemed to think. "Breasts?"  
DING!  
Redder than a beet, Brock quickly flipped the card over so the entire world could know he was obsessed with 'em. Cassidy buttoned up her shirt. At least they were catching up.  
"Very good!" Rox-chan praised condescendingly. Coughing and loosening her tie, she moved on to Domino and Gary. "Mr. Oak what is your lovers number one secret fetish?"  
Gary finally perked up, a slight blush on his face.   
"Well, I'm just going to say electricity and hope for the best!"  
BUZZ!  
Domino flipped over her card, thorns.  
"Ooh, sorry." Rox-chan narrated. She moved onto the Pokemon couple.   
"Bubbles?" Mewtwo shrugged.  
DING!  
"25 points! And now... Mondo, what is your lover's fetish?"  
"Well," Mondo giggled, "Tongue."  
DING!  
Mondo rubbed the stomach of the feline on his lap, Meowth now purring loudly into the mic clipped on his collar as he began to lick his paw daintily.  
"Twenty-five points for our fourth couple!" Rox-chan announced, moving on to the last card. "We're now at our last question of this round. The couple with the least points at the end of this round will not be able to move onto round two, and only three couples will remain after our next commercial break. This last question will be worth fifty points, just to prove the importance of this round." Rox-chan gave a dramatic pause with YET another wink. "All right, couples," she said, "the last question is: where is your lover's *cough cough* zone?" Rox-chan flushed nonchalantly. "Cassidy, if you would?"  
"Well," she drawled, "Brockie is a teenage male, so I'd have to say the groin."  
"I'm not a teenage male," he stuck out his tongue. "I'm a qualified Pokemon Breeder."  
"Act like it then."   
DING!  
"Fifty points," said Rox-chan sarcastically, "Very nice, viewer-friendly."  
Brock snuffed and threw his large card at Cassidy. "Teenage," he repeated. "Teenage. You wouldn't know teenage if it bit you on the ass."  
"But Brockie, doesn't it?" said Cassidy slyly, "You always--"  
"No," said the bottle green Ash, "I DON'T want to know."  
Rox-chan turned to Domino and Gary. "If you answer this next question correctly, you will pull into the lead. Where is your lover's...zone?"  
"Neck."  
BUZZ!   
Domino blushed, Chest, read the sign.  
"Oh, only 75 points. If one of the other couples don't get these correct, you'll be doing a tie breaker to fight for your spot in the next round." Rox-chan proclaimed. .  
Mewtwo scowled, with a cat-like 'Go to Hell' look on his face, "Tail."  
DING!  
Mew giggled and flipped over the card which read that exactly.  
"Fifty bonus points for our Pokemon couple!" Rox-chan turned to the last couple. "Mondo?"  
"Under the chin."  
DING!  
Meowth purred again.  
"Well, then!" Rox-chan said loudly. "We're sorry, but with only seventy-five points, good-bye Gary and Domino! But that's okay, because you'll receive a lifetime supply of Rare Candy Bars as a consolation prize! Thanks for participating!"  
The audience gave a polite applause for Gary and Domino, who exited, stage left.  
"Mondo and Meowth along with Mew and Mewtwo are tied in first with 125 points each! Cassidy and Brock are in second with one hundred even." Rox-chan lifted one arm in the air dramatically, announcing the end of round one. "Ladies and gentlemen, please sit tight for round two to begin - right after a word from our sponsors!"  
James picked up one of the cards before him. "Buy Bott Skirts, they're the most comfortable--" James dropped the card, surprised as Rox-chan hopped into the booth. "I'm afraid, Jimmy, that this sponsor is a little behind on their payments, so you'll just have to use this--" She pulled a card covered in silver metallic glitter from an unseen rear pocket, "--instead."  
"Rox Star," read James from the card. "Listen to the beautiful mistress Rox-chan sing all his favorite pop songs! Including such smash hits as Oops...I Did it Again, Dirty, Sk8r Boi, A New Day Has Come, and, with Kelly Rowland, Bootylicious. A percentage of all proceeds fund the Save the Environment...Kill a Cow society, who encourages you to eat a beef enchilada today."  
"I'll sing one for you," Rox-chan told the audience hopefully from the announcer's booth. She cleared her throat and began to shake it. "Uhuh, uhuh, cuz life's like this. Uhuh, uhuh, that's the way it is."  
Ash banged his head on the desk.  
"...Chill out, what ya yellin' for? Lay back, it's all been done before. And if you could only let it be, you will see..."  
*fade out to commercial* 


	5. Round Dos!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
The eyecatch came up again, as did the corny theme. Ash and James had fled for their lives, and the spotlight shone down in the center of the stage to reveal Rox-chan standing next to a blonde haired girl of about 14. "Welcome back to the Newlywed Game Show," she narrated, "brought to you by our friends at Jasmine Records; where anyone can be a star. Be sure to check out the My Poor Flaaffy single, in stores now."  
"Yes, yes, thank you." Rox-chan turned to the audience and extravagantly motioned to the girl beside her, "I'd like you to meet my new co-host, Kuro."  
The audience, on cue, said in unison, "Hi, Kuro!"  
"Thank you," she curtseyed.   
The two girls were wearing matching outfits of purple lace. Kuro didn't look too happy with the outfit, but she was too excited to be on the show to complain.  
"Let me remind you, Mew and Mewtwo and Mondo and Meowth are in the lead--one hundred-twenty-five points! But Brock and Cassidy are closely behind with one hundred.  
"And now," Kuro continued, "Round Two."  
Rox-chan handed her the cards for that round's questions. Kuro looked down and said, "In a week, how many times do you and your spouse have... relations?"  
"Brock?" Rox-chan looked at him intently.  
"Usually...17."  
Sounds of exasperation and surprise--even disgust--came from the audience. To everyone's dismay, Brock continued, "Then there's the weeks I'm REALLY horny!"  
DING!  
Cassidy flipped over her sign: 17, unless Brock's feeling quite aroused.  
Kuro coughed, but moved on, "How many times a week, Mewtwo?"  
"10."  
DING!  
Rox-chan now turned to Gary, "Three...and that's a good week."  
Groans from the audience.  
"A VERY good week!" the cohost Kuro yells.  
Domino's card read: 3...if he's lucky.  
DING!  
Everyone sweatdropped.  
Rox-chan cleared her throat, "Mondo?"  
"Five-ish...unless I get some cat nip."  
Meowth-chan revealed his sign: 4, without catnip.  
"Hmm," Rox-chan said dubiously, "Does that count?"  
The judges talked amongst themselves. The only things clearly heard from the judges' panel was Jessie's, "He DID say ish," and Misty's flaming, "THE ANSWERS DIDN'T MATCH!" All the judges cowered and shook their heads.  
Kuro shrugged, "Oh well, sorry no point."  
"Oh," Rox-chan exclaimed, "And there seems to be an error. Gary and Domino were eliminated last round! But we'll let them stay for only pure enjoyment. Let's move on!"  
"Next question," Kuro announced, "Does your lover prefer being on top or bottom?"  
Brock coughed, "Top."  
DING!  
Mewtwo scowled, "Top."  
Mew showed her sign, Mewtwo on top Mew on bottom  
DING! "Good, good!" Kuro smiled at Domino, "Gary?"  
"Bottom."  
DING!  
Mondo also replied, "Bottom?"  
BUZZ!  
Meowth flipped over his card, I do what I want and if I say top, I say top.  
"Uhhh...okay? Well, sorry, but you still have a chance to make it up. This last question is world one hundred points!!" Rox-chan said dramatically.  
Kuro narrated, "If your spouse was to plan a threesome who would be the third party?"  
Gary and Domino walked out.  
Mondo, who was looking rather nauseated, commented, "I think he'd choose Cassidy..."  
Brock screamed, acting high or drunk or both, "HE'LL NEVER GET HER!! NEVA!!!!!!!"  
Rox-chan sweatdropped and picked up the sign Gary left. "Wow, Cassidy it is."  
Brock fell off his chair.  
Rox-chan shrugged it off and replied, "Alright then... Congratulations Mondo, for being so skilled you won't have to answer the question for Meowth but you still get 100 points!"  
Kuro turned to Mewtwo and beamed, "...Who would be the third party?"  
Mew said telepathically, "Amber."  
Mewtwo turned over his card, Ai.  
DING!  
"We'll accept that!" Rox-chan smiled. "Cass?"  
Cassidy replied hesitantly, "Misty?"  
Misty screamed at the top of her lungs, but stopped when she heard the distinct BUZZ.  
Brock flipped over his card, furiously blushing. Hastily scribbled on it was, Rox-chan.  
Kuro's eyes widened. "Uhh..."  
Rox-chan blushed. "That's the end of round 2!" She kicked Kuro.  
Revived, Kuro continued, "So Mondo and Meowth along with Mewtwo and Mew will be moving on to the next round to compete head-to-head. But, sorry, Brock and Cassidy, we won't be seeing you in the next round. Enjoy your consolation prize of a Magby!"  
"Brought to you by Egg&Egg, the Pokemon eggs-perts." She tittered at her own joke. "Bring any Pokemon in and it'll have an egg in no time! Drop off your Magmar for a cute Magby, Jynx for Smoochum, and even Fearow for Spearow! You can guarantee there won't be any FOWL play." Rox-chan chuckled at her pun again.  
Kuro sweatdropped. "Stay tuned!" As the corny theme came up, Brock and Cassidy exiting was shown until the eyecatch came up.  
*fade out to commercial*  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 


	6. Final Round!

"Welcome back to the Newlywed Game Show--brought to you in part by Bangin' Productions, the creators of Foxes Gone Wild; including Renamon, the Eevee-lutions, and Vulpix!" Kuro grinned.  
Meanwhile, Rox-chan and Gary are together at the podium. They're alternately making out and planning a date. "Yea, Friday's good, just gimme a call... Oh, we're on!" Rox-chan grinned sheepishly as Gary waved and jumped back into the audience. Alright, here we are. The bonus question. This will decide your fate, so think hard. Both partners will write down their answers and reveal them at the same time. So, for two-hundred..." Rox-chan paused to wave at something beyond the camera, winking. The camera leaned back to show Brock.  
Kuro sighed and just continued announcing, "The game is now down to the wires! Head-to-head, one-on-one, one bonus question--which is worth a whopping two hundred points... For, quite possibly, the game, What was the kinkiest thing you and your spouse have ever done?"  
The two couples thought deeply and scribbled down their answers.  
Rox-chan winked charismatically. "Okay, Mondo and Meowth, since you're the ones behind in the score, you two go first. What did you say?"  
They both flipped over their cards. Mondo's said The time he licked me all over when I just scratched behind his ears, while Meowth's said, When he dressed up in a Meowth costume and did it like a Pokemon.  
BUZZ!  
Rox-chan and Kuro both sweatdropped. Rox-chan sniffed sadly, "So sorry, but you don't get it."  
Kuro clapped her hands and said, "This means Mew and Mewtwo are the winners today, but let's still see what they put down."  
They both read something to the effect of, Using Bubble to create an air bubble so we could do it under water.  
Rox-chan's eyes widen. She shakes her head to clear it of that vision.  
Kuro smiled. "They're so creative! Especially Mewtwo."  
"Well, that's the game! Mewtwo and Mew win with a score of 500 points!" Rox-chan smiled straight at the camera and gave a wink.  
Everyone cheered. Both Mew and Mewtwo are presented with baby blue roses (provided by James) and placed in the limelight. They're so happy they can't keep from groping sucking face.   
Kuro, the only one not having some kind of relations, centered herself on the stage. "Mewtwo and Mew will be receiving a wonderful honeymoon to the Whirl Islands along with tickets to the exclusive and exciting Whirl Cup! No one leaves empty-handed from the Newlywed Game! Mondo and Meowth will be receiving a free CD from Wherehouse and a gift certificate to PokeCo, where the Pokemon go."  
The corny theme comes up, with the eyecatch quickly dissolving on the screen. Text comes up, which reads "All losing contestants receive a consolation prize custom-made for the couple. No animals were harmed in the making of this show. Any members of the staff who require it will be given free psychological counseling and a stay in a cerebral hospital. All contestants will stay in the lovely Luxor Hotel Las Vegas, Nevada! Funding sponsored in part by...PokeCo, Wherehouse, Egg&Egg, Bangin' Prod., Jasmine Record Co., Quality PokeBall Prod., Talbain Publishers."  
The screen clears up and Rox-chan is center stage again, "We'll be right back with a few more words after this from our sponsor, Talbain Publishers."  
Disclaimer text is on the screen while she talks, which reads: "Talbain Publishers is copyright of Gabriel-san, used without permission--ain't we bad?"  
~~~~~~~~~~~  
Felicia: Hello! I'm Felicia, and I've got something that you gals might be interested in.  
[The camera pulls out to show Jon Talbain with his face buried in Felicia's cleavage]  
Felicia: Ain't that something? A big beefcake werewolf is utterly devoted to me! He's such a sweetheart. And quite a lover. Every night, sometimes twice. And let me tell you, it's always better the second time around. So what's the marvelous secret to this? Find out in my new book, "How to nab beefy critter guys." Got your eye on a special doggy, or a kitty, or any of the other myriad species out there? My book will show you exactly how to catch their attention and keep them begging for more. Just $19.95 plus shipping and handling. I'll even throw in a rubber chew bone, to sweeten the deal for canines.  
--Disclaimer text: This commercial was made by Gabriel Studios, however, no cash income is going toward him since this is purely stolen. Let's hope Rox-chan's ears don't get cut off...or worse...--  
~~~~~~~~~  
Rox-chan is seen writing on a aqua-colored Post It. "How to Nab Beefy Critter Guys. 1-900-546... Are we back? Right!" She grinned. "Welcome back. It's finally time to go... but let me just say, I hope you enjoyed this episode of the Newlywed game."  
Kuro smiled, "We hope to see you next time!"  
They both waved. Rox-chan leaned in close to the camera and whispered loudly, "Any single guys out there?" She winked twice.  
Kuro groaned and pulled her away. "Bai bai!!"  
"Why don't I show off my beautiful singing voice?!" Rox-chan beamed. "Here's a track exclusively on Rox Star Records!"   
"All You Wanted," narrated Kuro, "by Michelle Branch."  
"I wanted...to be like you! I wanted everything. So I tried...to be like you! And I got swept awaaaaay....I didn't know that, it was so cold out, and you needed someone to show you the way. So you took my hand and we figured out that when the tide comes it'll take you away..." Rox-chan danced a bit. "If you want to, I can save you, I can take you away from here! So lonely inside, so busy out there, and all you wanted was somebody who cares..." Rox-chan waved her hand and the music melded into the second Michelle song's chorus. "Cause you're everywhere to me, when I close my eyes it's you I see, and everything I know that makes me believe, I'm not alooone..." The music died down a bit.  
"Last song." She winked again. "Here's another one by Michelle Branch--it totally fits." She waved again along with Kuro. "Byee!!"  
"It hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time," Rox-chan didn't start from the beginning, but rather, the middle. "I want what's yours and I want what's mine. I want you, but I'm not giving..."  
Kuro grinned and turned up the mic volume, "She ain't half bad."  
"...Goodbye to you!! Goodbye to everything that I knew!! You were the one I loved, the one thing that I tried to hold on to..."   
*Fade out* 


End file.
